


a day to celebrate

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Olympics, sappy feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2130453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fourth of July is a good day for Zach to appreciate everything he loves best: hockey, America, Ryan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a day to celebrate

**Author's Note:**

> posted on tumblr on the 4th, now cleaned up! thanks to Clairest for looking it over <3

Zach loves the Fourth of July. This year the fourth of July is the second anniversary of when he and Ryan signed with the Wild. Two years: a lockout, three playoff series, a hundred and thirty regular season games (Ryan played in every one, while Zach just wishes he could have). They’ve gotten through two trade deadlines 100% worry free, knowing they aren’t going anywhere. They would have had the Olympics together no matter where they signed. Leaving Sochi empty handed hurt, but at least they got to go home together. There’ve been broken ribs, a broken foot, so many bumps and bruises in two full years of resting their sore bodies next to each other at the end of the day.

It shouldn’t mean so much to have a day to celebrate. They’d been together for a long time before the Fourth of July, 2012. 

They kissed for the first time when they were seventeen. They didn’t like each other very much back then, but it was their first kiss. Zach doesn’t remember what the date was, but he could figure it out if he looked at the U18 tournament schedule. If they want an anniversary of when things started maybe they should celebrate that instead.

Celebrating that first kiss would probably be dumb because that’s what they were back then: dumb kids. Zach should have realized that he must not really hate Ryan as much as he thought he did since he was fine with Ryan pushing him back against his single bed to kiss him. Zach didn’t mind that at all, he wrapped his legs around Ryan’s waist and kissed back. He would have sworn he didn’t like Ryan, but he didn’t have any problems trusting Ryan enough to kiss back. Thinking back, it’s more embarrassing than romantic, and isn’t worth commemorating as an anniversary.

They didn’t start to get smart about each other until the summer after they were drafted. By then Zach knew his future was in New Jersey, and that Ryan’s was in Nashville. They spent a lot of time together that summer, enjoying slow sleepy days in the midwest. They were both so eager for the future, but Zach wonders if that eagerness also held them back. That was when he started to figure out that he had feelings for Ryan as something more than a friend to fuck around with, but he never said anything. He knew they were headed in different directions, and that adding feelings into the mix wouldn’t have done anything to change that.

Zach remembers the first time he told Ryan he loves him, he even knows the date — January 5th. But Zach said that because they won a hockey game and he loved everyone, he still hadn’t realized that how he loved Ryan was anything special. He said it in the rush of winning a gold medal and being named tournament MPV. He kept saying that loved that whole team, that he loved America, he loved Ryan, he loved hockey. He still loves all those things, but after that win he couldn’t shut up about it.

The first time they really fucked was after that game. 

Zach’s older now, and knows that penetrative sex is far from the be-all-end-all of awesome stuff to do, but at the time he was nineteen and had never been with a boy like that, so it seemed like a pretty big deal. He wasn’t a virgin by any stretch of the imagination, but he hadn’t done this before. Even though he wanted to, it seemed like something more, in an intimidating way.

But he was the tournament MVP, and they won a gold medal, which meant nothing seemed scary. He could have whatever he wanted, which was to trade roommates and have Ryan all too himself in the late night hours when they really should have been sleeping. They made each other laugh figuring out just what to do with the lube, but later it got shivery-shaking good. Riding Ryan on the too-small hotel bed in Finland was just the right degree of overwhelmingly great and new. They were headed home the next day, they’d be back to school soon enough, playing against each other, but not yet. That happened on January fifth — or January sixth really, well after midnight. Zach could see celebrating that, maybe with a repeat performance, but it still doesn’t feel like an _anniversary._

The first time Zach remembers telling Ryan that he loves him and really meaning it, knowingly, with all the feelings behind it, with Ryan on the same page, was during the 2010 Olympics. They had just advanced past Finland to play in the gold medal game. They hadn’t won anything yet, but they knew they weren’t going home empty handed. Zach felt so settled and at peace with the world — so proud of himself, and so in love with Ryan. It was only that last part that hurt — not because Zach didn’t want it, but because he could finally see how much he wanted this, how deep he was, head over heels in love, and they only had one more game left before going back to their respective NHL teams. Zach remembers ducking under Ryan’s arm, a little bit tipsy but more steady than not, tugging Ryan down to say, “I love you,” right in his ear. Ryan smiled and said, “Love you too,” wrapping his arms around Zach’s waist.

Zach had said I love you between their World Junior gold and the Olympics, but there had always been a reason, sex or drinks or just how long it had been since they’d seen each other. It had never seemed serious before, but it kind of did then, or maybe it’s just that Zach was finally willing to see that he wants it to mean something serious.

Zach said I love you after the gold medal game — the game where they lost the gold medal — and he meant it so goddamn seriously. That was the best result of their Olympics for them. They had swapped roommates for the last night, and while Zach had really been hoping for a repeat of fucking while wearing gold medals, but he settled for cuddling while their silver medals sit in boxes out of sight. (And they can fuck later. Defeat doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get laid, it means they needed the pleasure more than ever.) They hadn’t gotten that far yet when Zach says it, they’re just pressed against each other, so close in the too-small bed, but it’s good because it’s the two of them. They aren’t perfect together, but they’re the kind of flawed that Zach’s realized he’d like to live with for the rest of his life. That’s kind of scary, and he didn’t want to say that yet, so he just said “I love you,” and Ryan said it back, and then they kissed real slow, and then things moved on from there.

While the 2010 Olympics might have been really capital-letter Important to Zach figuring shit out, it isn't anything he wants to celebrate. Ryan might have fond memories about winning the silver medal, but Zach still views it as a disappointment. Good things came out of it — they started taking more, texting more, skyping regularly. It got them into a pattern of remembering that they were important to each other, which directly lead them to where they are now, and that's awesome, but Zach isn't going to put it on the calendar and make a big deal every time it comes around. They still need to win a gold medal. 

Zach had hoped they could manage that this year, but they didn’t even come close. That was crushing — that they weren’t close to good enough. Zach’s done with wondering, but he never knew if he did enough as a leader, if he did enough as a player. He doesn’t have any excuses for their fourth place finish, he just wants to leave it in the past. Hopefully they’ll get a chance to do better next time.

The good thing about this time was that he didn’t have to trade roommates to be with Ryan. The right people knew enough to put them together from the start, which was really nice. The whole thing would have been a lot worse if he didn’t have Ryan next to him, their two little beds pushed against each other so their legs could tangle together.

Zach hates losing, but he's learned that it hurts the least when he's with Ryan. (Winning with Ryan is the best thing ever, but winning with anyone is pretty alright.) 

Zach sometimes wonders if things would have turned out the same if the Devils hadn't lost in the finals. If somehow they could have pulled things together, and he could have captained a team to the Stanley cup, he would have been the first one to lift it over his head before handing it over to Kovy or Marty... He doesn't know. That's the dream, right? They got so close his last year in Jersey, but not really. If they had won Zach thinks he might have stayed in Jersey, but losing really solidified the need to get out. They lost, so fuck it, he was ready for somewhere new — he didn't know where, but wherever Ryan decided to go sounded awfully good. 

It wasn't that simple obviously. Zach wanted to play with Ryan, but he also wanted another shot at the cup, he wanted to be close to family, and wanted to wind up in a city on a team he would enjoy. Playing with Ryan wasn't the only thing that mattered. Zach wonders if it had come down to it, if he had to choose between Ryan and everything else on his list... It's a good thing he never had to make that choice.

It’s been two years since they made it real, decided that they were going all in, committed to the next thirteen years with the same team in the same city. It’s as close to true security as they could get. It wasn’t easy — even after Zach could see that this was what he wanted he had to work up the courage to ask for it. Even after Ryan said yes, an unequivocal endlessly enthusiastic yes, there were still details to figure out. Knowing what they wanted wasn’t the same as knowing how to make it happen.

They did figure it out in the end. It took a while — four whole days of deliberation and negotiation. Zach can’t say he didn’t have some moments where he wasn’t sure if they could pull it off. It wasn’t until he was signing on the dotted line that he really believed it was happening. It’s still crazy — ninety-eight million dollars each to play in his hometown for the next thirteen years. Zach doesn’t know if he could dream up a better situation for them.

It’s only the second anniversary of when they decided they were doing this for real. Last year they were in the cities. They wound up at a family friend’s barbecue and went to watch some fireworks. This year they’re at Ryan’s farm — or the compound, as Zach likes to call it, and he doesn’t know what they’re going to do. Grill something for dinner, maybe have a fire later? Just hang out, just be together. It’ll be good. They aren’t making a huge deal out of it.

A couple more years down the line they’ll probably have a wedding anniversary, which will be a really big deal. They aren’t going to get married until they’re ready for people to know they’re married, so it will be huge. Then they’ll have a new anniversary, like normal people do. The fourth will be good enough until then. There are even fireworks. Zach’s always liked fireworks. He likes pretending that they’re going off today because it’s just so great that Ryan and him are so in love. He knows it’s for America, but sometimes it feels like that’s all part of the same thing.

Zach loves America. He loves hockey, and Ryan, and America, and he loves how the three of them come together so often. He loves playing hockey with Ryan for America. It’s the fourth of July, and Zach’s going to remember today how grateful that he has all of these things in his life.


End file.
